The. End. Is. Nigh.  So let’s cut the bullshit and get you diehard wine haute degenerates some goddamn Ba-Bas before baby gets fussy.

I like to think in terms of a flat $300 dollars for the mixed case (6pk or 12pk) featured per post so forgive me for clinging to this theme on the first post. I was going to just call it “$325/cost” but “$300+a panhandler’s steak dinner at Denny’s/cost” seemed appropriately verbose. I needed the headline to slap.

Selections 1-4 are all from the same winery, Cobb Wines.  Ross Cobb is making the best Pinots in America and he also makes a blissfully sleek pilates toned Chardonnay that quite frankly none of you deserve.  

#1: Cobb “Emmaline Ann Vineyard” Pinot Noir 2017 – 97pts

$75 / 225cs / 12.4%  Any pimp in America named “Silky”, received a cease & desist letter for trademark infringement after this wine was bottled in 2019, true story.  It was a costly legal endeavor but such a powerful single word endorsement must stay protected. Locution ain’t easy, baby. Locution. Ain’t. Easy.

#2: Cobb “Coastlands Vineyard – Old Firs Block” Pinot Noir 2017 – 99pts

$80 / 175cs / 12.1%  I only have had similar experiences while drinking aged Burgundy in a very sweet spot of their life’s maturity arch.  Pinnacle caliber Pinot peaking, hard. I’m referring to the kind of special wine that upon first whiff you know it’s going to be a wine you’ll reflect upon until hereafter. Regardless of the circumstance of the moment, those precious minutes or hours are time capsuled forever in your mind so I highly advise:  DO NOT SHARE WITH FOES.

#3 Cobb “Jack Hill” Pinot Noir 2016 – 94pts

$70 / 200cs / 13.6%   Personally I’m usually not a fan of big booming cola in Pinot but this is not chunky clunky off-brand cola, no. This pronounced cola taste refined like a Mexican Coke from a glass bottle with possibly even pharmaceutical grade cocaine still in the receipt.  She’s generous, a hugger, probably loves tacos and post-coitus high fives…there is a lot to like.

#4 Cobb “Doc’s Ranch – JoAnn’s Block” Chardonnay 2018 – 99pts

$70 / 235cs / 12.6%  Look at your kid, that unremarkable brat better learn how to catch, dribble or turn a wrench because this wine deserves each penny you saved for that ungrateful klutz’s college.  This Chardonnay is in a class of its own, it’s like some idiot savant that was born on California’s coast then randomly started speaking French fluently at age 2 with a thick Oïl accent and a near lazer guided spitting precision unmatched outside of the dankest cellars of Burgundy.

#5 Cantina Terlan Pinot Grigio 2019 – 93pts

$19 / 10,000cs / 13.5%  The most consistent under $20 white wine from Europe.  A stunner… and its Pinot Grigio.  If my spoiled palate can get excited about PG then you know its worth a shot if you never have experienced it.

#6 Any Malbec – D+

<$11 / ∞ / <14%  The single blessing of this pandemic is having to keep less shit wine at the house for The Lessers.  Regardless, the end might not be as nigh as the doomsday clock predicted so you will need a chewy fruity basic AF red to drink while screaming at a rerun of sports ball.  Common wisdom promises that the cheapest is gonna be fine but right south of eleven dollars and above nine bucks is going to over-deliver for the QPR.

This week’s shopping pro tips:
• There are still plenty of large formats of Cobb Wines available so go big and thank me later.
• Even entry-level Terlan ages well so add a few to the cellar and forget them for 4-5 years.
• If you can muster a few more bucks a bottle, forget the Malbec and just buy some simple Bordeaux Supérieur to drink like some derelict aristocrat you always hoped to become.

*Advantica Restaurant Group, Inc (owner of Denny’s) didn’t sponsor this post